Day 20 Chemo 1. Tue. 8/08/2017 3:40PM
Such a tearful day today despite the good sleep after a tiresome day yesterday. I woke up energized, had my turmeric tea done, followed with a good bath and ultimately got ready for my blood extraction as required laboratory sign-off for my 2nd cycle of chemotherapy tomorrow.
Sent my son to school then headed to PSH.
While on my way to PSH (Perpetual Succour Hospital), again as expected got stuck in traffic. I heard a text message sent. Read it and there was the start of the tearful day. My husband again bothering me about the house that he continued to pursue and again with urgency as if it was an emergency. He had been bothering me about this since my son's birthday on Aug 3, 2017, then yesterday, Aug 7, 2017 and then again today.
I thought we were able to resolve already with his issue yesterday. Yet there he was, pestering once more. So I texted him that any concerns please address to Ate Sinead, 'coz she knew everything about my papers, my accounts, finances, etc, 'coz all I wanna do is to get well. That's why I endorsed everything to Ate Sinead. Like opposing poles of a magnet, he was going to the bank, and I was going to the lab for my chemotherapy tomorrow. Totally insensitive that all his concerns were just about the house without a single consternation about my incoming 2nd cycle of chemotherapy.
God help me to put sense on my husband's heart and mind, to give me peace so that I can fully recover and concentrate of my 100th birthday. I was crying inside the car driving while calling Ate Sinead over my smartphone for help, that she may communicate to my husband to let him stop bothering me about the house.
When I reached PSH, I was already composed as if I didn't cry a bucket of tears. Smiled and said good morning to all the persons I passed by from the parking lot to the lab.
Had a short conversation with the secretary in-charge for the clearances when you avail your insurance benefits. I told her I look like the PSH nuns with my bandana, recalling that same nuns used to invite me to attend to their orientations 'coz I had been single 'til 40 years old, but I always tell sister Carmela that I didn't feel the calling 'coz I was very attracted to men.
Anyway, the blood extraction didn't take long, so I went to PSH's business office to check if I have the blessings referring to my professional fees. Thank God it was there already.
I went back to my car and prayed the rosary while driving my way back home. Upon reaching home, Ate Sinead took all my cellphones 'coz she decided to block the number of my husband so that I won't receive any text or call from him. My mother kept on commenting that my husband was trying to get back on me. I changed the topic and I asked my mom if everything was fine with the collection of the rental of the apartment 'coz again another big expense on the electric wiring since the main breaker here were about to explode last night. Thanks to Ate Sinead's sense of smell, like a dog, they were able to trace it at the main breaker. So we turned off the air-conditioning, all the televisions and only the electric fans were functioning for ventilation.
She (mom) said she got minimal rent, 'coz she allowed the tenants to make new divisions in the apartment and deducted it from the rent. I got so frustrated with her news and I was crying hard 'coz I felt so burdened with the house expenses and she had not helping me by not imposing the rules that any constructions in the apartment which is not our will and not part of the original structure of the apartment should not be deducted from the rent. The tenants were like the owners 'because they could just do anything they want on our apartment. I had been emphasizing this to my mom several times that if the tenants are not contented with the present structure, they can rent or transfer to another apartment. Please help me mom. Don't let the tenants abuse your rights. I need all your help 'coz my journey to healing is not cheap at all.
I went out of the front door bringing my lunch sobbing. I tried to stop crying but when I got inside the car, there I couldn’t help but cry like a lost baby, so helpless and frustrated that all the burden was placed on my shoulder. Sonia Ricotti in her Unsinkable Bounce Back System said: "It's ok to cry and let everything come out from your chest." By crying, I guess, I just did what I had to do. Let it all out.
I recomposed myself again 'coz I needed to go to my clinic. Reaching there I smiled and said good morning to my staff and started working. One of the accompanying companion of the pregnant patient that I was about to scan was wearing a bandana. So, I asked her: "Are you in chemo too?" She retorted: "Yes". Intrigued about it I queried: "For what?" She responded: "Breast cancer recurrence." Raising my hand for a high five towards her I uttered: "Appear! I have breast cancer too and on chemotherapy as well." So I advised her based on what I learned from Jane Plant and Kristine Matheson to have non-dairy, organic, fresh raw veggies and fruits and to drink turmeric tea or juice, whatever her preference would be. Soya is also good but just make sure it's non-dairy. I taught her to google it 'coz cancer is just a vitamin B17 deficiency so she can have all the list of veggies and fruits rich in vitamin B17. She was very thankful for all the information I shared. This is a realization that I just became a messenger of healing to others. How many more could we reach out there?
At 2:30PM I was done in the clinic. I drove home and again prayed the rosary to say thank you for all the patients received despite all the tears 'coz I cried again over lunch. I remained steadfast facing all the responsibilities that God gave me today. My guardian commented upon reading my entry that what I was trying to do was like tying a knot at the end of my rope with the rosary. Franklin D. Roosevelt and Thomas Jefferson used to say: "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." And what I just did was tying a knot with the rosary and persevered in deep trust in God. Call it "Saintly" whatever, but to me this belief in the hands of God worked all the time.
Even with all the rigours of the day I still felt so good with myself. In fact, I would even go and clean my comfort room once I am done writing this journal. It's 5:00PM now, time to clean my CR (Comfort Room) in preparation for my Second round of chemotherapy, which will be tomorrow. Bye, bye for now. KM signing off.
Had a conversation with my Guardian Angel after cleaning up my washroom. From him, I got the word of the day: "IWALWAG" (force-feed). While I was busy scrubbing and cleaning the washroom he sent a message via messenger:
"Wow. Such a hard working patient. You are cleaning again the washroom? Are you preparing it for tomorrow? Believe dyod ko sa pagkakugihan nimo. (I really admired your industriousness.) Hinay hinay lang ha. (Take it easy) Make sure you will not get tired. Had I been there I would have helped you hi..hi..hi. Way back from the seminary cleaning the washroom was one of our chores. Kamuton pa dyod namo ug walwag ug limpyo ang inidoro. (We force-feed our hands into the bowl just to clean it well.) We always did the extra miles of making everything clean. We even place ylang-ylang flowers inside the washroom as Natural deodorizer hi..hi..hi. I was bursting in laughter when I read the message most especially with the word "iwalwag".
Then in circumspect thought we could actually make use this awful word "iwalwag" for all the troubles and pains I had undergone. To create a positive atmosphere and bubble wrap myself from negativities I will have to think of force-feeding all my troubles into the toilet bowl and flushing them through without hesitation. What a good term "iwalwag ang problema sa toilet bowl and flush it." I was laughing and laughing with him with that word being in itself as so filthy to hear, but so appropriate for whatever miseries and heartaches that need to be flushed out.
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