Day 16 Chemo 1. Fri. 08/04/2017 10:18PM
When things get rough you have to stay tough. And indeed things had gotten so rough on me of which I had the hard time to stay tough. I woke up without a voice today recalling how Thursday had gotten my patience reaching its limits.
Yesterday was supposed to be a happy day since it was the birthday of my son Zac, it actually ended quite shaky during the evening. I got irritated with my ex-husband's bouts of phlegmatic recurrent vexing on the property he continued to deal of which I had asked him to have myself taken off. The whole thing was a complete annoyance on me when in fact he would have been helping out for my recovery.
When a wick is set on a time bomb, it takes just a spark to have it exploded. So thus what happened with my patience on that Thursday evening. The agitation caused by my husband swelled all the more when my niece Steffi started grumbling about her things that she could not find. I told her in a calm voice to look for it using her eyes and not her mouth. She answered back in total disrespect, while turning her back away, which infuriated me, though I still maintained a soothing voice as I tried convincing her: "If you could not find it in the boxes, maybe in the organizer or paper bag!" She of course retorted with an angry voice uttering in a harsh tone: "I went through them all and could not find a thing!"
Her audacity aggravated the whole mess most especially when I happened to find what she was looking for, from the same pile of boxes she mentioned she had looked for already. It was total blindness for a person who's got pretty good eyesight. Right then and there, I erupted into madness and told her at the top of my lungs, not to go to sleep until she is done fixing all her mess and putting all her stuffs in a box and labeling all boxes. In utter disbelief I just could not imagine how on earth could she be so irresponsible with her things. Yesterday morning she was also looking for her stuff of which I was the one who was able to find. And again with this episode with her boxes. I just got fed up with all unreasonable grumbling.This time it wasn't "mind over matter but matter over mind'. I think there comes a time wherein you also need to be really human and voice out what's inside. After all I am just human too.
Perturbed as I was due to the upheavals that happened on the birthday of my son, I was still thankful to God that at least I was able to get by with the ruptures and was able to sleep well at night.
In the morning when we got up, Steffi tried to say sorry while I could barely say a thing as my voice was totally depleted. When I saw the boxes all labeled up I was at least appeased. Although it still did not deter my probing eyes to catch minor details of label set with grammatical error. The label on one of the boxes showed: "Tita Things." Thus, with no hesitation I corrected her to have it changed in a possessive form: "Tita's Things." I began to be picky and demanding.
Since I could only barely whisper my niece Sinead offered me ginger to be placed into my mouth to help me soothe my throat. I gladly did so, as well as drink the hot turmeric tea she prepared for me. Acting like lozenges for my harsh larynx and not only as recommended drink in Jane Plant's "The Plant Program" for cancer patients, I brought 3 cups of the turmeric tea in the clinic. I began liking my turmeric tea. Hopefully, all cancer cells are now committing suicide.
It was a long day in the clinic. I got in around 10:30AM and got out at 5:00PM with just around 30 minutes of break time for lunch. God had been so gracious again to usher me with lots of patients, including surprise gifts from among my patients.
Elisa Quijano, who had always been so kind to me, sought consultation in our clinic. Not only did she seek consultation but actually brought along with her a cool water perfume for women and crispy rice as gifts for me. It was her surprise for me since her husband just arrived from Saudi Arabia.
From my clinic I went straight to Raddison Blue Hotel to meet my friend during our Post-Graduate Internship Med School, Dr. Rowina Diya-Aluk. We had a nice dinner and pleasant conversation which didn't last long since it was 10:00PM already, past my bedtime routine. I told her that: "I've got to go, 'coz I still have to drive while not sleepy. For safety purposes you know?"
Upon arriving home, albeit being sleepy, I compelled myself once more to stay awake for few more minutes. This wasn't for anything else at all, but for this journal. "Mind over Matter"
“Thank you Lord for all the blessings today and for the up-coming ones.”
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